I realized this fact the other day, when we were headed to the LA County fair and when we arrived it was closed for the day. I had spent so much time fantasizing on the picture of this perfect day, that I had created in my own mind, that when we finally arrived at the fairground gates and they told us the sad news, I felt like crying. It was like the little kid in me got so damn dissapointed, so utterly let down, that I had to stop and steady myself before my little boy could see his Mommy throw a tizzy. Thankfully for me, my son was asleep and really had no idea what the 'fair' was, so it was only my husband and I that had to realize, our entire day was not going as we had dreamed.
Instead of wallowing in despair, we decided that we still had control of our future and that we would go to the Long Beach aquarium instead. We knew our son would be just as excited to wake up to the fishes, as he would the fairgrounds, which he of course he was... and all was right in our world once again.
But it got me thinking. Instead of looking outside for the things that we need, things that will satisfy us in some way. Things, or places that we build up in our minds. Instead of all that out 'there', I have decided that I'm looking within. I'm noticing all that we have, in this very moment, in this very place, to enjoy. It is Fall anyways, so it's time to clean house, rediscover what you already have and get rid of the things that you don't use, things that you don't need anymore.
Our biggest problem in our home was that our sweet son had spilled over into three rooms. One being his nursery, that we had created for him before he was born. A magical room filled with musical tree's, one made by each of his parents, that connect in the middle to create a new sprout. This room is directly off our bedroom and it served us well as his nursery, him being so close to us. Once he turned One, we decided that he should have a 'big boy' room and turned one of our other bedrooms into his new room, keeping the whimsical room as a play room of sorts for him as well.
Now, it was about that time that our son decided that he no longer wanted to sleep in his crib, but wanted to sleep with us in our bed. Ohhhhhhhh Nooooooo.
Ohhhhhhh Yessssss. How can you say no to a face like this? I really did try though. For months, I would bring him back to his new big boy room. But, he didn't like it. We thought maybe he had outgrown his crib. That he was ready for a big boy bed. Months later. Nope. So Yes, our son began sleeping in our bed. Very happily AND he would sleep soundly all night long. Of course, you shouldn't let your children sleep with you! Tell that to someone who doesn't have kids.
So. In looking at our home, at the now, that is our residence. I realized the boy was not even using his 'room' but to change clothes in, he was much happier in his play room, and our room. What a wasted space. All this has changed. In a whirlwind storm of re-decorating, organizing, throwing out what we did not need, boxing up things to donate and organizing things that we could sell in a grand daddy of all garage sales, it happened. My son's two rooms have been integrated into one, his magical nursery is now his magical room... and he is happy. For the last two days of naps and nights, he has slept in his bed. Maybe it didn't last all night, but at least he is close enough to us that he feels safe... and when he stumbles into our bed at 4am, it's a short walk.
The 'big boy' room has now become just that. Our musical equipment was scattered all through the house and since our studio/garage construction had been halted through the summer, with the heat being unbearable, all of our gear has been sitting unused. Now, we have an office/music space that is usable and air conditioned. All of a sudden we want to sing and play again, it seems all we needed was a little organization.
Since those two rooms felt so good, we kept going. We revamped our living room, moved some furniture around, brought the piano out of the playroom and into living room which is closer to the new studio, making it easier to record. And again, seeing it in the living room is very inviting for a family concert or two.
We brought in artwork that we had not seen for awhile, that had been covered up in the garage, creating a new life and new energy. I got rid of even more crap that I didn't need and I cleaned the heck out of everything else, so it felt shiny and new.
As I looked around, I smiled in exhilaration at my 'new' digs. Every room had a use and a purpose. Every room felt like it represented the now, that we are in, right now. I am so grateful for the right now, and I am not looking out 'there' to find happiness... I have everything I need. Now. And it's called home.
My closet is next.